Tag Archives: weather

Defective Human

As I got ready for work Friday a heavy rainstorm rolled through. Before it hit I convinced Zeke to go outside to pee. Marble stepped outside, looked up, and promptly went back into the house.

“Nope. I’ll hold, thanks.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

*sigh*

I went inside and made breakfast as the bottom fell out of the sky and peals of thunder had Zeke glued to my side.

“Meow!”

Jack wanted outside. I opened the front door. He took one look at the rain and changed his mind. I shut the door and went back to cooking my bacon and eggs.

“Meow, Meow, meow, meow.” Jack had a LOT to say.

“Fix it Mom. Why is it still raining? I want to go outside. I can’t go out if it’s raining. Make it stop. Why aren’t you doing anything? Jeeze. I thought you were a fully functional owner. I distinctly recall requesting a fully functional owner. Clearly you are defective, because it is STILL raining. Are you listening to me?…”

And on and on and on….

When I was done eating and the rain let up I opened the front door again.

“Really? You couldn’t turn it all the way off? Pft. Fine. I suppose this will have to do.”

I’m obviously a defective owner. I can’t even make it stop raining.

Yard Trek: Snowpocolypse

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

 

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 2.12.2014

meme

We have retreated into Yard base. Captain Marble has volunteered for away missions to the back yard and will supply updated reports on conditions. As per orders, I will hold position in the captain’s ready room. I have experienced several attacks by the civilian malcontent known as, Diamond, but I have successfully deflected her attempts. Tensions are high, but Admiral Nom-Giver assures me that we can return to normal operations soon.

Basement Cat, signing off.

Rainy with a chance of stories

Today’s forecast includes a headache inducing low pressure front, possible tornadoes, and the news that my short story, What Autumn Leaves, will be appearing this month in the debut issue of Conjurings. As weathermen like to keep us guessing on the accuracy of their predictions, I likewise do not yet have a specific date of publication. Barring the editor being carried off to Oz on a tornado, it should be available for purchase by the end of the month.

I finished the rough drafts of two short stories set in the Crossroads of Fate universe. Keep in mind that titles are not so different from the forecast of isolated thundershowers; maybe it’ll rain and maybe it won’t. So maybe the series title will change and maybe it won’t. In any case, one of those short stories will come out likely before the end of the year, so be sure to check the news and freebie pages every now and again.

Suggested reading gear does not require an umbrella or coat. E-readers are optional.

I can haz holodeck*?

Even those unfamiliar with the world of Star Trek, have heard of holograms. In the real world, they make hologram stickers and other little things where the image appears to pop out at you or move as you tilt the item.  Scientists are working to create real-time images, but we aren’t there yet. In Star Trek: The Next Generation, they went a step farther than a flickery little image or even a life-size image used to send messages. Thanks to a marvelous thing called a holodeck, the people on board could project any environment they wanted. Not only did things look real, but they felt, smelled, and sounded real as well. It was essentially a virtual reality room which didn’t require a suit or interface of any sort. In general, the ship’s crew and passengers used it for exercise and recreation.

Far fetched? Absolutely.

Awesome idea? Totally.

Here are my top five reasons** why I want a holodeck:

1. Weather control

Today I walked outside and instead of breathing the normal 78:20ish Nitrogen to Oxygen ratio, I was hit by a wall of water vapor. My lungs take extreme affront to oxygen accompanied by those two annoying little hydrogens. (Water= H2O) How can I enjoy a walk or bike ride if I’m breathing water?

2. Insect control

There’s more of them than there are of us. I’m pretty sure if they figure out to stop fighting each other they could usurp control of the world and subjugate humanity. The roaches know how to avoid Raid! I’m telling you, they are smarter than you think.

I love outdoors. Unfortunately it comes equipped with creepy crawling insects, flying nuisances, and annoying disease vectors. Sure, they each serve a purpose in the ecosystem, but only an etymologist could argue against the dream of going outside in the summer without dosing oneself in stinky poison.

3. New diet plan

  If it’s made of light, it can’t possibly have calories, right? Not to mention, I could eat a grilled mushroom, swiss, burger with all of the toppings and not feel as if the Grim Reaper was stalking me.

4. Pet day care

If there’s no bugs and it’s a confined space, the dogs and even the cats could romp and roam to their hearts’ content until I announced, “Computer, end program”.

5.  Gravity can’t get me

    Holodecks come with built in safety measures. Unless you are a thrill seeker and turn them off, the program won’t let you get hurt. For someone who trips walking across a flat surface, this could come in quite handy.

Can we program in a beach please?

*The military should share.

**The any location, time period, etc seems to be a given, in my opinion.

 

What’s the hurry?

Winter ran through, barely even gracing us with a whisper of cold. It seems Spring is following suite. She made an early appearance, what with winter wandering off to another hemisphere rather earlier than is polite. The cool days with a touch of warmth from a golden sun lasted just long enough to get our hopes up. It isn’t even the first official day of spring and already temperatures are climbing into the 80s.  I’m forced to ask the seasons, “What’s the hurry?”

For the last 14 years that I’ve experienced spring in Memphis, I always bought an optimistically short-sleeve dress for Easter and then ended up freezing if I didn’t have a sweater with it. Furthermore I haven’t felt the urge to wear shorts earlier than the last week of April, and yet I wore them yesterday while gardening. I didn’t even get cold after the sun set!

I can only conclude that Winter and Spring are terrified of Summer and are running for their lives.

Should we worry? I’m generally fond of Summer, but what if she’s out to get all of us? I can only hope she takes mercy on my poor little seedlings. Is she feeling vindictive? Did I insult her with my wishes for snow?

Last year a thunderstorm flattened half my corn. The heat and ants got the rest. I’m debating if I should even attempt corn now.

This morning on the radio some disc jockey claimed “they” were predicting a mild summer. Even the dj’s seemed amused by this prediction. I wonder who “they” are and what planet they are on.

If you happen to see Spring, tell her she can come stay at my house for awhile if she wants.

 

Dear Winter,

 

It isn’t easy for me to say this, but we’re through. You simply didn’t try this year. One day you were there with your frost and bitter winds and the next you went away. You promised snow. You failed to deliver. Ah, we started off so promising. You eased the tedium of sweltering summer days with autumn’s cool breeze, but alas, you promised more than you meant to do. Even the plants and flowers have forsaken you.

Hyacinths and later blooming daffodils have joined the ranks since I took this.

Even plants that have refused to bloom for years have decided to display their flowery beauty!

I planted this 5 yrs ago. This is the first time it has bloomed.

I know you may try to win me back, but your efforts are in vain. Spring and I are already good friends.

Until next time, so long!

Regards,

Warm weather lover

Just around the corner

Fall creeps in with little pounces and playful peek-a-boo days. You blink, and much like my little black kitten, it disappears and you wonder if you imagined the cool winds and crisp air while humidity wraps you up in a sauna of ninety degree heat. Yesterday I ran the A/C in the car. Today I’m wearing a sweater. I glance at the calendar and realize September is marching along at a brisk pace. I already have Halloween costume requests from Miss Drama. She wants to be a wolf.I wonder if she’ll change her mind when she finds out wolves do not accessorize.

Perhaps it’s the season, or the weather, or maybe the fact that the last two books I read were horror, a genre I rarely read. No matter the cause, I have the urge to write something dark and eerie. I’m far more often the type for happy endings, rainbows, and sunshine, but not always. As I’ve gotten a bit older, I find I have an inner goth that enjoys escapades into the dark and deadly realm. Seeing as how I am sane and not inclined to pursue a life of crime, daredevil activities, and have yet to stumble upon a vampire (sparkly or otherwise), my excursions are of the literary variety. Horror or dark fiction on the screen, unless it’s along the lines of a Hitchcock movie, usually does not appeal to me. I enjoy the way a book allows you free reign to create the monsters versus the blood and gore Hollywood prefers to sell.

I have a story brewing in my mental cauldron and wish to pose a question. Do you prefer horror which ends on a hideous mournful note, or the kind where the hero plunges through ghastly circumstances, but takes out the monster*?

*Monster- whatever nemesis, real or imagined that the hero comes into conflict with.