Tag Archives: Star Trek spoofs

Yard Trek: Diplomatic Incidents

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 8.19.16

The quadrant seems to get more populated every day.  A feline family and several  solitary citizens occupy the quadrant, and rather than utilizing their own rations, attempt to pilfer them from Yard Base. Sometimes they simply loiter. Lieutenant Jack handles Yard Base border security.

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Lieutenant Jack keeping an eye on a quadrant resident loitering near Yard base.

The newest resident of Yard Base, contrary to my initial fears that he was using mind control, has proven to be an eager recruit. Cadet Loki accompanies Lieutenant Jack on border patrols and while he can be a bit over-eager, has proven reliable.

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No incursions to report, sir.

The same ethics cannot be said of our senior Gallus gallus resident. She regularly steals the other Gallus gallus’ rations and has even been so bold to steal mine.

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Fleeing the scene after stealing rations.

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I would not be surprised if one of the Gallus gallus files a complaint.

It isn’t just the gallus either that have displayed unwelcoming behavior. Citizen Diamond expelled Cadet Loki from where he was docked, visiting Admiral Nom-Giver. She claims she had reserved docking privileges.

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Citizen Diamond is a known dissident and should be watched.

One could argue that such behavior is to be expected from undisciplined civilians. Unfortunately I must report that our own Captain Marble was reprimanded by Admiral Nom-Giver for willfully venting her waste port within the boundaries belonging to one of the quadrants canine citizens. He was quite vociferous in his complaints. I imagine any aspirations towards a diplomatic career are no longer possible with that sort of action in her file. She has also been caught taunting feline citizens at times and laughing at them. Despite the reprimands, she seems to show no remorse at all.

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It’s highly aggravating, that’s what it is! She corners me and all that fur, all that slobber…it’s traumatizing is what it is.

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What in the quadrant is wrong with her?!

I suspect the long stretch of heat and rain forcing everyone to remain within the confines of Yard Base is to blame for much of this. Cooler temperatures should prevail soon and Captain Marble can find entertainment that does not involve harassing Citizen Lovey.

Basement Cat, signing off.

 

 

Yard Trek: A chick in distress

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 5.14.16

In an effort to maintain citizen diversity, Admiral Nom-Giver recently oversaw the establishment of a civilian Gallus domesticus colony after members of the prior colony fell victim to various fatal encounters.

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Our single remaining gallus regularly roams the sector, and it is our conclusion that without a gallus community she finds herself without company. This has led to several acts of piracy on her part, namely threats which resulted in her illegally confiscating food resources from myself. Lieutenant Zeke also reports that her incursions into Yard Base are bold and she regularly helps herself to resources she finds.

I am not certain that providing company will deter these incursions. I feel stricter methods, such as deactivation of her flight mechanisms, would be more effective.

In any case, the new members are youths and require special environmental controls until they adjust to their new environment.

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Lieutenant Zeke and Captain Marble are suspected of violating the prime directive and interfering with the colony. Both have been reprimanded and additional security measures have been added to the colony’s habitat access port.

In Captain Marble’s defense, Lieutenant Zeke was seen most frequently attempting to access the port. In addition, when one of the colonists wandered out of the habitat, she attempted first contact.

First contact did not proceed well, but Admiral Nom-Giver suspects no permanent damage to diplomatic relations. As Captain Marble’s negotiation skills involve licking newcomers (new recruit Loki has told me of a similar initiation), I can understand the colonist’s distress.

Lieutenant Zeke relayed the distress signal and Admirals Nom-Giver and Soup King conducted a reconnaissance mission, at which point they intervened in first contact and ordered Captain Marble back to Yard Base. The colonist was returned to her habitat and I can report that all has been well since the incident.

Basement Cat signing off.

Yard Trek: Infiltration

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 12.12.2015

My worst fears have come true. As much as civilian Diamond and I disagree on the operation of Yard Base, she reports that the new arrival has successfully infiltrated Yard Base and now has complete access.

Civilian Diamond is reluctant to take overt action, but she’s informed me that she has made it a habit to harass the intruder when opportunity allows. I appreciate her efforts, meager though they are.

Everyone from Admiral Nom-Giver to Captain Marble, to Cadet Zeke are totally accepting of this new intruder. This means one thing.

Mind control!

I will bravely hold out for as long as possible, but I am uncertain of our future. The cuteness level of the intruder appears to nullify all defenses.

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Surveillance image showing Civilian Diamond keeping her distance

Basement Cat, signing off.

 

 

Yard Trek: Invasion!

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 11.24.2015

Admiral Now-Giver arrived home the other evening and as per protocol I met her and Admiral Soup King in the docking bay. Admiral Soup King’s sensors picked up a strange signal. Upon investigation we discovered that Yard Base had been invaded!

I fired upon the invader, but Admiral Nom-Giver issued a cease fire. She then proceeded to take the invader farther into Yard Base!! It is possible a changeling has kidnapped Admiral Nom-Giver and taken her place, but also equally possible that the invader used a secret weapon. I heard them say the cuteness levels were over 9,000. This cuteness they speak of may b effecting their judgement.

Captain Marble reports that the invader is confined to Admiral Nom-Giver’s quarters. I suppose this is of some comfort, as clearance for free access through Yard Base would be spell a sure takeover from nefarious sources. Civilian malcontent, Diamond, is displeased, and for once I support her. As the following sensor image shows, clearly we are in dangerous territory.

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Basement Cat, signing off.

 

Yard Trek: Doppelganger

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 4.8.2014

I suspect I have found a portal to the mirror universe. My doppelganger from that  universe appears now and again and shadows me. Lieutenant Jack is of the opinion we must repel this incursion at all costs. I find it difficult to battle my mirror-self, although, for the sake of the space-time continuum, I do not let my mirror-self encroach too closely.

This tree should prevent a collapse of the space-time continuum. Right?

This tree should prevent a collapse of the space-time continuum. Right?

According to observations, mirror-me lacks my excellent skills of tracking and eliminating enemies. I think perhaps my food bowl is the target of the incursion, in which case, Jack may be right after all. There’s only enough room at my food bowl in this universe for one Basement Cat.

Basement Cat, signing off.

Yard Trek: Live Long and Bark

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 5.10.2013

I sadly report the disappearance of Junior while on an away mission. His status is unknown and it is hoped that he may one day return to Yard base.

He shall be missed.

He shall be missed.

In other news:

  •  Jack and I maintain our perimeter sweeps and have successfully countered attempted invasions.
  • Admiral Nom-Giver has embarked on a beautification quest. I wonder if this is the reason so many seek out our Yard Base.

    Yard Base front Yard

    Yard Base front Yard

  • Captain Marble inadvertently caused the death of a resident Gallus gallus domesticus. I hear the loss was not in vain and made an excellent soup. When asked, Captain Marble said that she regrets her rash actions, but cannot deny that chicken is delicious.
  • Rumors abound that more Gallus gallus domesticus will join our current residents. I will report on that as events unfold.
  • Finally, Millie is coming up on 15 years of age. She wishes to share her life philosophy:

     live long and bark….

At EVERYTHING, and for no reason at all, and at two a.m or five p.m., or maybe just all day.

I cannot particularly claim I agree with this philosophy. I find that stealth mode is far more effective. However, she is fifteen, so maybe there’s something to it.

That is all for now.

Basement Cat, signing off.

Yard Trek: Invasion

These are the exploits of Basement Cat: her continuing mission to explore strange new grass, to seek out new life and new noms, to boldly go where no cat has gone before!

Basement Cat’s Log: Yard Date 2.1.2013

A feline of unknown origin or alliance has ventured into our quadrant. Although he has presented the appearance of a peaceful traveler, I do not trust him. He has attempted to make overtures toward Admiral Nom-Giver. She was diplomatic and friendly, but refused him entrance into homebase.

At times he is accompanied by a companion who slinks off as soon as sensors detect their presence. I suspect they are up to no good. The most recent encounter with this feline leaves no doubt in my mind that he is attempting to invade our quadrant.

Jack and I were patrolling the quadrant when the stranger appeared. Despite Jack’s warning message, the feline refused to leave. Jack suggested his universal translator was malfunctioning,

This is Jack with the United Federation of Critters. You have encroached upon our borders without permission and we request that you leave.

This is Jack with the United Federation of Critters. You have encroached upon our borders without permission and we request that you leave.

When he boldly attempted to enter homebase’s cargo bay, I felt a clearer message was required. I powered up lasers.

Lasers at 50%.. Target acquired.

Lasers at 50%.. Target acquired.

I fired a warning shot across his whiskers…

 

Lasers at full. FIRE!

Lasers at full. FIRE!

 

He used evasive maneuvers, but did not retreat.

Seriously, WHY WON'T YOU GO AWAY?

Seriously, WHY WON’T YOU GO AWAY?

Admiral Nom-Giver was forced to halt his attempts at entering homebase. The loyalties of the canine members of our Federation seem to be questionable. Junior, unfortunately, also seemed much too willing to welcome this interloper. I may have to take harsh measures. I may even join forces with Diamond if she agrees to evict this feline. As she is always ready for battle, I have confidence that I can count on her claws.

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In an unrelated incident, Admiral Nom-Giver reported a spatial anomaly which caused her workout accessories to disappear.  A chance foray into Mr. Smarty-Pants’ system located part of the accessories and further searches in other systems uncovered the remaining items. It is the opinion of the science council that a there is an untethered wormhole in the system which our sensors cannot detect. Caution is advised should you happen upon the entrance as it does not seem to be stable and whatever goes in might possibly come out in pieces.

That is all.

Basement Kitten, signing off.