Breathing vs. Job Security

Along with my current exercise kick, I’ve decided to take steroids.

Uhm...wrong kind

No, not THOSE kind.

And by “decide”, I mean the doctor prescribed it.

Let me explain:

Today I went back to the allergy and asthma doctor for a follow up visit. No, I’m not killing a small forest with my tissue use, the three little pigs are safe from any huff-puff-achooing, and the new allergy meds haven’t made me grow another head.

The first thing the nurse made me do is blow into this doohickey- (yes, that is totally the technical term. Okay, fine. The real term is spirometer.) Then the nurse practitioner came in to review the results and discuss my meds.

After I reported what medicines I’d taken and how often, along with side effects, she looked at my chart.

Whenever a doctor or nurse says, “Hmm.” It is never a good sign.


“I’m looking at your lung capacity test.”

“Is it better? Worse? Indifferent?”

“It dropped by ten percent.” She looked at me then. “How long have you been coughing?

I try not to scowl at her. “Since I had to blow into that doohickey and ran out of air.”

She laughed and informed me that she wanted me to have an albuterol breathing treatment, then she’d listen to my lungs again after I repeated the annoying doohickey test.

After all was said and done, my lungs quit being spastic and scored 99%. It seems I have underachieving lungs which require a kick in the alveoli to perform properly. It seems I could totally benefit from science’s latest breakthrough. It’s an injection that oxygenates cells for 20 minutes regardless of lung function. Of course, that means the other twenty-three hours and forty-minutes I’m stuck with my lazy alveoli.

Until they come up with the controlled-release twenty-four hour dose, I’m stuck with doping: an inhaled corticosteroid (anti-inflammatory agent), a short acting beta agonist “rescue inhaler” (relaxes airways), and the three different meds I take for the allergies, not including allergy eye drops.

I’m keeping big pharma in business. Given my field of research, I guess one could say I’m my own future job security.








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