Dummy’s Guide to Pissing off Your Body


Welcome to the Dummy’s Guide to Pissing of Your Body. Tired of being ache free? Can’t figure out how to get rid of all that energy? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Follow this easy step-by-step plan and you’ll be aching and exhausted in no time.

  1. Wear the least comfortable shoes for walking imaginable.
  2. “Accidentally” leave your keys in a building two blocks from your current location.
  3. Have an appointment, leave in a timely manner and then “discover” keys are missing.
  4. Sprint two blocks. Extra points if your shoes attempt to fly off your feet every step.
  5. Retrieve keys and sprint the two and half blocks to your car.
  6. Park another two blocks from your appointment. Paid parking lots are for sissies.
  7. Lose your shoe and twist your foot.
  8. Sprint/limp two blocks to your appointment, up two flights of stairs and arrive on time. At this point breathing should be problematic. If you are not winded, try more couch sitting and less work outs. Extra points if you’ve read Dummy’s Guide to Pissing Off  Your Allergies and Asthma, and the temperature is below 55 F, as this should ensure wheezing and coughing.
  9. Forget which street you parked on and walk four extra blocks.
  10. Return to work and park in the garage and walk the three blocks to your place of employment.

Congratulations. If you aren’t tired and achy by now, you’re too dang smart for this post.

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