You’re Doing it Wrong

I cannot claim to have ever had a really bad date. I’ve had good ones, great ones, awkward ones, and ones I laughed about afterward.

I shall state that I have high standards but I figure if a male manages to annoy or worse, piss me off, while putting his best foot forward, I shan’t like him very much once he stops making those efforts. Here are some guaranteed ways NOT to earn a second date or in some cases even a first date with me. They also make for awesome jokes afterward with my friends and blog fodder.

  1. Look at everything but me during the conversation. Really, my powers to turn men into stone sadly do not work on their entire body.
  2. Ask me to say something in Klingon. Do I look like I have brow ridges?
  3. Express doubt over my abilities to accomplish something b/c I’m a woman. I do believe this one is self-explanatory.
  4. After a couple of conversations, ask when we are going to bleep*. Again, I think this one is self-explanatory.
  5. Take me to Hooters. That gentleman shall henceforth be known as Mr. Hooters.
  6. Inform me you are allergic to cats.  Sorry dude, cats over dudes any day. Besides, it would be extremely inconvenient to deal with the body when he keels over from anaphylactic shock.
  7. You do not read. I’m an author. Enough said.
  8. You lack any interest in science fiction or fantasy. After all, even “normal” people liked LOTR and The Matrix.
  9. If you are closer in age to either my father or my kids than you are to me. I’m not sure why this seems such a hard concept for some men to grasp.
  10. Ask the status of our “relationship” within thirty minutes of meeting. Yeah, that was Mr. Hooters. My inner sarcastic b*** really wanted to respond to that one, but I was tactful.

So, what are some of your instant “deal breakers”? Feel free to share!


*Curse words eliminated to keep things PG-13.


5 responses to “You’re Doing it Wrong

  1. Someone actually asked you to say something in Klingon? WTF?

  2. Anaphylaxis is a serious type of allergy that usually happens when a person takes a triggering substance that is often called allergen. The exposure and its resulting reaction, anaphylaxis, occurs when the person become sensitized to that substance.Sometimes even if the person is exposed to allergens, even how little the allergens are and the time of exposure, the resulting allergy can really be serious and life-threatening.Anaphylaxis attacks can happen after the substance is inhaled, injected or ingested. Physical or skin contact to the substance can sometimes also lead to anaphylaxis attacks.’

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    • Yes, that is exactly true. I’m lucky in that my allergies are not of that variety, but several of my friends suffer from severe life-threatening food allergies.

      I was not making light of the condition, so much as poking fun at the person who failed to read a dating profile which clearly stated I had cats, to which he was allergic.

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