Empty Niche

I need a toad.

I have an African frog and he’s not helpful at all. If I could have that alien toad from “Return of the Jedi” I’d be in business. He snapped that fly right out of the air.

What, you may ask, is she babbling about?

I have a fly farm that has expanded to include a gnat nature preserve. I’ve nearly closed down the moth brothel that tried to eat all dried goods not in cans. Despite the magic bug zapper out front, every time it warms up again the house is invaded by flying insects.

Millie takes out a fly or two if they happen to buzz a millimeter from her face, but for the most part the flying invaders careen unchecked throughout the house. If I don’t find every ounce of refuse before they do, sometimes they settle down and have little fly families. It’s downright annoying.

I tried fly paper once. I caught myself and the kitchen cabinet.

I have cats to kill mice. Dogs that kill rats and squirrels. Hens that kill any crawling insect. It is quite clear there’s a gap in the food chain. The only problem is that anything that eats flies will likely be killed by one of the aforementioned critters.

Then again, maybe I could buy a lot of venus fly traps….




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