Dear Abby Normal Innards,


Dear Abby Normal Innards,

I stopped eating gluten. Why are you still pissed?

-Ms.  Noms-hate-me

Dear Ms. Noms-hate-me,

Here’s the thing. We’ve been pissed for YEARS. You just ignored it or chalked it up to something else. Do you really expect us to move on as if nothing has happened? Sorry, no can do. If you truly want to apologize, here are some things you can do:

  1. Follow a modified BRAT (no toast, no dairy, lots of fresh or steamed veggies) type diet for two weeks. Recovery takes time. Eating icecream and bacon is not conducive to happy innards. Yes, one can only eat applesauce for so long, but think of it as a test of commitment.
  2. Take probiotics. Do you have any idea how the neighborhood in here has gone down? These anaerobic guys are totally fouling up the place. Send in some decent residents please. Just be forewarned that the first day or two the low-class bacteria may put up a stink about being kicked out.
  3. A little chamomile tea or aloe juice can ease intestinal cramps and speed healing. You wouldn’t slap rubbing alcohol on a sunburn, would you? So don’t drink coffee or sodas for a couple of weeks.
  4. You know that whole an apple a day saying? Well, there’s validity to it. Quercetin is a supplement, a bioflavanoid, naturally found in apples (also Brussels sprouts, broccoli and green beans). It calms cranky innards down rather well. That’s why the applesauce sits so well. 🙂
  5. Healing requires energy and building blocks. Drink lots of water and take a good (gluten free/dairy free) multivitamin. It doesn’t hurt to add in additional B12 and magnesium as these are commonly malabsorbed in Celiacs.
  6. Tumeric: Think of it as anger management therapy for your body. It’s a potent anti-inflammatory agent used as a spice and taken in pill form. It takes time, but reversing years of inflammation is worth it.
  7. Be patient. Just because I’m Abby Normal Innards, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

Image from ThinkGeek.com

 

Sincerely,

Abby Normal Innards

 

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