Wanted: Ego Crusher

Must be a female pre-teen, smart, pretty, and able to crush the ego of Mr. Smarty-pants. Situation= Dire. Will pay in cookies.


What, you may ask, prompts my ad? My eldest has discovered the appeal of females. Even worse, he’s realized he already has oodles of admirers. It appears I’ve done too good a job with the whole “building his self-esteem”. Sure, I could start, tearing him down, but he’d see it for the lie that it is. I have eleven years of praise going against me.

Up until the end of last school year I figured we were still safe from the opposite sex. He liked girls sometimes, but from a distance, and he certainly didn’t brag about it. Mr. Smarty-pants had no aspirations to having a girlfriend. Then overnight everything changed. I first realized we were in trouble while trying to find a middle school for him. One of the options was an all-boy charter school. At first he was totally hyped about it, but after about a week he mentioned that the down side was that there were no girls.

“And?” I asked.

“Well, I’d like the option of having a girlfriend.”

Oh dear.  At that point I reminded him of priorities, like getting good grades, and that girls could wait. He seemed to agree. THEN. Not only has school started, but he ended up going to a regular school filled with girls. It isn’t those girls that are the problem….yet.

Yesterday, his sister brings home a note from after-care for Mr. Smarty-pants. Two of his admirers profess how much they miss him and that he should change schools because soccer isn’t as fun without him.  As if that isn’t ego-pumping enough, the two girls in question are in eighth grade now.  I’m pretty sure he gave Miss Diva a letter to deliver back. I’m really hoping she gets annoyed with this and starts “losing” the letters.

He gloated about that letter ALL night. He wanted me to take a picture and post it on Facebook! He compared himself to Justin Bieber and declared he was better. While I admit I agree, I could find no words to stop this ego train.

He asked me when I got my first “love note”.

I thought about it.

“Ninth grade.”


In my defense I didn’t mention that I was painfully shy, a total nerd, and had NO ego, but rather that in my day it was not cool to like boys or vice versa until at least seventh grade.

“Eh, we’re more grown up.”

My internal monologue: Remember strangling him is frowned upon.

I’ve seen this coming for a long time. Once, way back when Mr. Smarty-Pants was in first grade, a kid down the street offered to “hook him up” with a third grade girl. He stared the kid down and replied, “IF, I wanted a girl friend, I would not need you to get one for me.”

Unfortunately, truer words have not been spoken.

Maybe he’ll hit uber gawky and awkward phase soon?


3 responses to “Wanted: Ego Crusher

  1. For a little while it is cute when kids think highly of themselves, and let you know it. But then they grow up… I’d pray he grows out of that, but it is a good thing he has confidence, girls eat that up!

  2. At least you know he has good self-esteem, Hil. On the bright side, you could always just give him some cola and send him in the girls’ direction. They’ll be terrified.

  3. Yes, kids ate too wonderful for words.. Think it’s bad now? Wait till girls are boy crazy…

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