As you might have noticed, I refer to my kids as my minions, but I’m pretty sure they are really in the employ of Chaos. Chaos has this best friend he just loves to hang out with; Destruction. I think Chaos, Destruction, and the little minions have been spending wayyyy too much time together.
Oh sure, there were the small little signs, like the fact that toys which survived over fifteen years of my siblings’ and my abuse were utterly destroyed in their hands. I shan’t even go into how many DVD players they’ve killed from overuse, or the fact that my beautiful hardwood floor is irreparably damaged in numerous places. I’m fairly certain that they’ve destroyed more stuff than that one dog I had way back in college who attempted to eat my apartment. She was not suited to apartment life. Heck, I think if I add up all the stuff ALL the dogs have destroyed, the kids still come out ahead on the destruction scale.
Mr. Smarty-pants and his sister, Miss Diva, were playing a game on the computer while I cooked dinner last night. When Soup King arrived, Mr. Smarty-pants barreled into the kitchen and announced, “I took out Santa with an AK47 and an assault rifle. ”
Wait! What? What the hell is he playing?
I suppose it’s no worse than the one game his dad introduced him to where you shot at a cartoon representation of our last president. <facepalm> Okay, maybe I’m odd, but Santa Claus is sacred. How dare he take him out! I’m emailing Santa right now and telling him to deliver coal to a certain little boy.
Of course, my meek little Miss Diva has a streak of evil, as her comment about my hat demonstrated.
Miss Drama is the obsessive sort. She fixates on a topic until she wrings out every last bit of excitement or terror, depending on your viewpoint. She asked a rather innocuous question about space last week. She wanted to know what all was out there. My friend, Ms. Sarcasm, rattled off all sorts of info, non-sarcastically. Out of everything she was told Miss Drama fixated on black holes. Over the next week, as she awoke from nightmares of black holes eating her, and yet she kept asking questions about them and going on and on about black holes.
Miss Diva asked her why she was so fascinated by black holes.
“Because one is going to swallow the earth and squash it and we’re all going to DIE.”
I promptly attempted to set her straight on some facts.
- Black holes are not mobile (i.e. it isn’t going to chase you).
- One cannot simply spawn next to the earth.
- Our sun will not become a black hole as it isn’t big enough.
She gave me that “mmhmm, sure, you go right on thinking that” look.
I think I hear Chaos and Destruction laughing.