Minion training


Step one:

Greet your new minion with a smiling face. This puts them at ease and makes them less likely to balk when you give them endless tasks of tedious work.

Step two:

Speak slowly and repeat yourself often. Minions lack the skills for world domination. This is why they are minions.

Step three:

Do not leave new minions to carry out your orders unsupervised. This results in cataclysmic errors which put their life in peril as anger fuels our dark powers. Instead, hover  within watching distance and reiterate commands as needed. If perchance you make the mistake of leaving them to carry out a task, have the minion rectify the mistake.  Imagine throttling them. Actual throttling results in the risk of starting back at step one. I find this to be too much work.

Reward yourself with cookies or a nice adult beverage at the end of the day. Minion training is hard work.

Step four:

Give new minions copious amounts of reading material so that you can steal a few minutes to sit and play Facebook games. NEVER admit to minion that you did not read even half of the material given to you during your brief sojourn as a minion.

Step five:

Bake a big batch of cookies in celebration when your minion reliably carries out your orders. Do not share the cookies with the minion. The dark side has cookies, but we never promised to share them.

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