Disclaimer: Not all of these are from real life. Some of these have been said to me and some come from some of my favorite books, but they all make that painful chapter a little less traumatic.
1) We could get together and get some Vienna sausages and have a symbolic itty-bitty wienie roast.
2) We could call X and have her hex him with a penis shrinking spell.
3) I could flirt with you if that would make you feel better.
4) I stuck my tongue out at him the whole time I un-friended him.
5) Now you can focus on your thesis, exciting, right? (I’m not sure exciting is the word I’d use.)
6) No worries, I’ll just send you a battery operated boyfriend.
7) Soup isn’t that awesome anyhow.
Yeah, it isn’t an even 10, but memorable quotes are memorable because of their uniqueness.
So Chapter NEXT begins today. I choose not to take the broken flask and double head bonk on the oven door as a sign of anything other than my adversarial relationship with gravity.