The wonderful thing about writing is that it is a world of my creation. If I want the bad guys to pay, they pay. If the hero and heroine run into problems, they work it out. Love conquers all and the ending is as happy or tragic as I wish it to be.
Life isn’t so neat.
Many of my characters fight the same emotional demons that haunt me. I can excise them from my mind, sculpt them into literary entertainment, but in truth they never really go away. I can hush them. I can yell way louder, and I can kick them into metaphorical oblivion. Still, the voices of doubt, of unworthiness, of fear never really go away. Every day is another day that I wield my sword of self-confidence and make them submit. Some days are easier to pick up that sword than others.
Life has delivered a plot twist I don’t like. In fact I loath it with every ounce of my being. and that sword is pretty damn heavy today. Whomever is up there crafting my “hero’s journey” is determined to make me one hell of a heroine. After all, no one likes a hero or heroine that never suffers, never experiences tragedy, and gets everything they want.
There are so many days where I tell myself I’d be happy to be a Mary Sue. Then I stop and think. Would I? Really? No. I like who I am. I revel in my uniqueness. I celebrate my quirks. As my kids are genetic extensions of my awesomeness, most days I think they too are absolutely awesome, until of course Miss Drama pees on the bed again, or Miss Diva commences a logic match that would make a Vulcan cry with her leaps of illogical logic, or Mr. Smarty-pants mouths off because he really thinks he’ll catch up to me in brains any day now. Eh, we’ll save ‘awesome’ for the day they graduate college and move out. 😀 For now they can be sweet and loving hooligans.
In short I’ve just closed a chapter. It ended with far more anger and harsh words than I wanted, but as life is unscripted I have to accept things as they play out. Life is messy, emotional, and vivid. I can only ever capture a tiny snapshot of life between the pages of a book. The next chapter in my life may be boring or fun, crazy or silly, sad or joyful, although I doubt it will involve zombies. Just in case, I know this one dude…