Where did the time go?


Last week I was driving home, and as usual, had the radio playing. It was a bit later than usual, as I had karate class that night. Unfortunately I did not turn the sound down quickly enough when the DJ began chatting about that night’s discussion: “How to talk to your child about losing their virginity.”

My youngest was beginning to nod off, so not really paying any attention. Yay! The other two? Not so much. Mr. Smarty-pants and I already had a very general version of The Talk. Miss Diva on the other hand was blissfully unaware of anything beyond the fact that it takes a mom and a dad to make a baby. She’d yet to ask about the mechanics. So, thanks to the DJ I got another awkward in the car grilling.

“Mom, what does that mean?”

I’m all about being honest and upfront, but my six year old, who can barely remember that wearing clothes are a requirement for leaving the house and walls are not to be drawn on, did not need to be privy to The Talk. I could only imagine her creative interpretation, which she would no doubt share with half the class, possibly resulting in ME getting called to the principal’s office.

So what did I do?

STALL!

“We’ll talk about it when we get home, okay?”

“Why not now?”

I motioned her forward. She leaned in between the seats. “Your sister is too young to hear.”

“Oh!” She sat back with a smug, I’m sooooo much more older and smarter than my sister, look on her face, and of course cornered me the moment we got home. I did not, however, expect her brother to join in.

“You already know this, right?” I ask. Had he forgotten?

“Yeah, and we had sex ed in science class last year. We learned all about sexual reproduction.” Rather than appearing confident, other than the fact he could use that term and know what it meant, he exuded the air of someone bursting with questions, but too embarrassed to ask them.

I hope I didn’t look as shocked as I felt. Really? They teach sex ed in fourth grade and don’t even send a note home to parents. Instead of saying what was in my head, namely “WTF?”, I nodded and asked, “So, do you have any questions?”

“A ton.”

Crap.

Did I mention that it was ten o’clock, past their bedtime and I was not prepared for a co-ed session?

I gave the same little succinct explanation I had given Miss Diva’s brother a couple of years ago, sticking to the biological facts in the broadest sense.

“I don’t get it.”

Mr. Smarty-pants’ condescending commentary on her intelligence did not help. Then he pipes up, “So when can all of this happen?”

WAY TOO SOON! I look at him, still so much a child, and yet he’s as tall as my shoulder, can pick me up off the ground, and just a couple of years away from a deepening voice and stinky armpits. What happened to the tiny newborn that snoozed through my calculus III class; the infant that banged on the keyboard while I attempted to type my senior research presentation; the toddler that dumped an entire jar of flour on the carpet because his hot-wheels needed snow?

About the time you hit puberty.”

I have to admit I breathed a sigh of relief to see he disliked that answer as much as I did. Their little sister barged into the room, so I postponed Little Miss Diva’s talk, as bedtime took precedence. I suspect Mr. Smarty-Pants still has many other questions still needing answers. He’s a smart kid, and despite the fact it will be awkward, I can field his questions. I feel like I need to put together a Power Point presentation for Little Miss Diva. 😀 It seems she is more of a visual learner, as I am. I totally didn’t get it until I saw a drawing in a medical book. “That’s what Mama was talking about!” Seeing as how Power Point puts me to sleep, and would likely do the same to her, I told her I’d find a book to help explain things to her.

So, before I get cornered in the car again without a handy presentation ready, any suggestions?


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2 responses to “Where did the time go?

  1. I’m sure they’ve got newer books than the set I was directed toward when I was 11 that my mother bought. That was way back when, and yet they were really good books and explained everything. And I think that even Mr. Smarty-Pants would benefit from a visual presentation because on this topic, them knowing as much as possible – not only the biological actions, reactions and ramifications – but the whole gambit of emotions, what you felt, the pressures that can be brought upon either sex – gah just everything is important.

    I never had a problem with discussing any of this with the girls (even though Marissa sometimes teases me now with “Mama, I just don’t know what happened and how I got this cute little baby girl – what happened to the cabbage patch and the stork delivery.” lol ) When they were old enough to know, they asked. And trust me, they asked even before I thought they would. So we had good talks about all of it and I found the right book to handle the what does it look like questions.

    You are an excellent mom and I have faith in you. Anyone who can drive and still answer knock, knock jokes and spell words repeatedly when asked (even by all three) without getting annoyed is awesome in my book. I know it might be a little awkward with a boy, because I’ve never had to give one “the talk,” so I can’t speak as to the difficulty of that (although you have already started with Simon so, probably nothing). I will look and see if any presentation online that might be of use.

    Keep going with your instincts, they are good. You are good. And this was very well written imo btw. Made me laugh, wince with you and think all at the same time. (Probably more laughter – love that Mr. Smarty-pants needed snow and used flour – although at the time, probably drove you a little crazy. lol)

  2. Pingback: Memory Lane « southerndreamer

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