Last week I was driving home, and as usual, had the radio playing. It was a bit later than usual, as I had karate class that night. Unfortunately I did not turn the sound down quickly enough when the DJ began chatting about that night’s discussion: “How to talk to your child about losing their virginity.”
My youngest was beginning to nod off, so not really paying any attention. Yay! The other two? Not so much. Mr. Smarty-pants and I already had a very general version of The Talk. Miss Diva on the other hand was blissfully unaware of anything beyond the fact that it takes a mom and a dad to make a baby. She’d yet to ask about the mechanics. So, thanks to the DJ I got another awkward in the car grilling.
“Mom, what does that mean?”
I’m all about being honest and upfront, but my six year old, who can barely remember that wearing clothes are a requirement for leaving the house and walls are not to be drawn on, did not need to be privy to The Talk. I could only imagine her creative interpretation, which she would no doubt share with half the class, possibly resulting in ME getting called to the principal’s office.
So what did I do?
“We’ll talk about it when we get home, okay?”
“Why not now?”
I motioned her forward. She leaned in between the seats. “Your sister is too young to hear.”
“Oh!” She sat back with a smug, I’m sooooo much more older and smarter than my sister, look on her face, and of course cornered me the moment we got home. I did not, however, expect her brother to join in.
“You already know this, right?” I ask. Had he forgotten?
“Yeah, and we had sex ed in science class last year. We learned all about sexual reproduction.” Rather than appearing confident, other than the fact he could use that term and know what it meant, he exuded the air of someone bursting with questions, but too embarrassed to ask them.
I hope I didn’t look as shocked as I felt. Really? They teach sex ed in fourth grade and don’t even send a note home to parents. Instead of saying what was in my head, namely “WTF?”, I nodded and asked, “So, do you have any questions?”
Did I mention that it was ten o’clock, past their bedtime and I was not prepared for a co-ed session?
I gave the same little succinct explanation I had given Miss Diva’s brother a couple of years ago, sticking to the biological facts in the broadest sense.
“I don’t get it.”
Mr. Smarty-pants’ condescending commentary on her intelligence did not help. Then he pipes up, “So when can all of this happen?”
WAY TOO SOON! I look at him, still so much a child, and yet he’s as tall as my shoulder, can pick me up off the ground, and just a couple of years away from a deepening voice and stinky armpits. What happened to the tiny newborn that snoozed through my calculus III class; the infant that banged on the keyboard while I attempted to type my senior research presentation; the toddler that dumped an entire jar of flour on the carpet because his hot-wheels needed snow?
“About the time you hit puberty.”
I have to admit I breathed a sigh of relief to see he disliked that answer as much as I did. Their little sister barged into the room, so I postponed Little Miss Diva’s talk, as bedtime took precedence. I suspect Mr. Smarty-Pants still has many other questions still needing answers. He’s a smart kid, and despite the fact it will be awkward, I can field his questions. I feel like I need to put together a Power Point presentation for Little Miss Diva. 😀 It seems she is more of a visual learner, as I am. I totally didn’t get it until I saw a drawing in a medical book. “That’s what Mama was talking about!” Seeing as how Power Point puts me to sleep, and would likely do the same to her, I told her I’d find a book to help explain things to her.
So, before I get cornered in the car again without a handy presentation ready, any suggestions?